In Loving Memory of Sam...

My yearly update:

15 Years Ago, I:
1. Met Willa when I moved to Owings Mills
2. Made an awesome spiderweb drawing in art class, my favorite class at the time

3. Listened to entirely too much Richard Marx

4. Was told I would make a good lawyer because I like to argue
5. Was a princess for the third year in a row for Haloween

10 Years Ago, I:
1. Got tall.
2. Was a band geek
3. Bought my first pair of Birkenstocks
4. Met Adeel at Johns Hopkins summer camp

5. Got my first dozen roses

5 Years Ago, I:
1. Was a choir bitch

2. Got my driver's license and bought my car

3. Loved to go to the Outer Banks every summer

4. Had a 10 pm curfew
5. Used to hang out a lot in parking lots, at Rita's and JSI (same as year before)

3 Years Ago, I:
1. Almost transferred out of BU
2. Dated a gay guy... how sad!
3. Planned my first 2 charity events
4. Sledded on cafeteria trays and snowboarded in Boston Common
5. Decided to major in journalism

1 Year Ago, I:
1. all a blur... this was a low point in life
2. ...
3. ...
4. ...
5. ...

6 Months Ago, I:
1. Moved back to Baltimore after graduation
2. Fell in love with life
3. Vacationed in Texas and Costa Rica
4. Started working at Peter Fillat Architects
5. Went to the Brewer's Art for the first time

1 Month Ago, I:
1. Was in a car accident that was not my fault... a stupid big-ass SUV rear ended me
2. Saw 34th Street all lit up
3. Decided to move out... knew from the second I set foot in this one rowhouse that it was where I wanted to live :)
4. Hosted Thanksgiving and made my first turkey
5. Bought some bitchin boots

1 Week Ago, I:
1. Went to a networking event where I got to play with paper! and got free samples... including scratch n sniff wrapping paper!
2. Decided that I want to own my own gift shop by 2010... I will call it Pulp, and there will be a dog there named Yi-Ting (pronounced "eat-ing")
3. Perfected (for now) my resume and started looking for a new job
4. Was seeing in 3D even without 3D glasses
5. Had an Oyster shooter for the first time... yuck.....

Yesterday, I:
1. Was sent to my first event on behalf of PFA  
2. Had lunch at Five Guys with Fawn... was not impressed. Go figure. At least they had Old Bay for the fries.
3. Realized that it's not a good idea to wear a skirt in 25 degree weather
4. Was unsupervised at work hehe
5. Snuggled with Sam

Today, I:
1. Took a half day and bought a Christmas tree
2. .... Realized after doing this exercise that I have a very bad memory.
3. Had a yummy dinner with my mom
4. Had M & Ms delivered to my desk... sweet! 
5. Bought gloves, finally!

Tomorrow, I:
1. Will finish Christmas shopping
2. Will try to leave work on time after being productive!!
3. Will decorate the house and try to invoke some holiday cheer
4. Will make Piglet wear antlers... mwah hah ha.
5. Will chill out...

Recent Dialogues at Work:

Scenario: I am being yelled at over the phone by an irate mother during PFA's weekly Friday post-work poker party. As a result, I get withdrawn from the poker game that I was previously very animated about. I start turning red (no alcohol had yet been consumed) and Eric suggested I have a glass of wine.

Me: I probably have to leave. I can't freakin stand living at home anymore.
Eric: You need some wine. (pours glass)
Me: (looks at glass as if skeptical that it will help, then suck down the whole glass in about 30 seconds)
Johnnie (principal of he company, horny old man vibe, 6 ft 6 in, african american): Yeah Stephanie, you look like you really need that, or something else that we can't talk about at this table if you know what I'm talkin about.

Scenario: I am refilling espresso machine with tap water to make myself some morning spaz juice.

Stryker: You know you're going to die.
Me: What?
Stryker: You're supposedly educated... what you went to college right? I'm just some country hick from out West and I know more than you. That stuff (tap water) is going to kill you. Depression, health, everything. You're going to die and don't say I didn't warn you.

Scenario: I had just cleaned out my bimbo boss' office because I needed to find something that was buried in a pile somewhere. In the process, I found some hand colored drawings that looked like they belonged to Stryker. They are on 11x17 paper, big stack. I walk over to Stryker's desk to give them to him. I am wearing a brown boatneck sweater, a winter white skirt from Banana, and knee high brwon boots.

Me: Stryker, I found these drawings in the marketing office. They look like they belong to you. What do you want me to do with them?
Stryker: (leafs through them, finds a few miscellaneous papers in the mix) What is this shit? You're making more work for me.
Me: I didn't know there were other papers in there. It juts looked like a pile of drawings. (start tapping my foot because I'm getting pissed at him)
Stryker: I'm sick if your click click clicking all day walking around this office. What, does Peter make you wear those [tall knee high boots]?
Me: No, I actually choose to wear them because I like how they look.
Stryker: Oh so you're one of thoooose.
Me: Excuse me?
Stryker: Yeah I know your type. I bet you walk around with lotion in your back pocket.
Me: What?
Stryker: Oh I'm sorry. You don't understand. Go ask your father about it.

Scenario: I am having a discussion with the HR lady at work to make a few things clear. One: I refuse to feed anyone's goddamn parking meter and I will say no if asked. Two: Stryker should be briefed on sexual harassment law. Three: I will quit if Peter tries to convert me into a Business Development person. They cannot pay me enough to prance around at conferences like a piece of meat.

One
Natalie: No it's absolutely ridiculous to ask someone to feed your parking meter every two hours. The company pays for Johnnie to have a permanent space in a lot.  

Two
Natalie: What does the lotion comment even mean?
Personal Commentary: She's playing dumb. "Go ask your father." What a fucking moron.

Three:
Natalie: Well you know if it ends up being just you in that department, those responsibilities will fall on you. And between you, me, and that doorknob, Peter thinks Lori is a flake.

God hates me, clearly.

I came all the way to Starbucks (I really don’t even like Starbucks except for the fact that the “specialty drinks” are fairly consistent) to use wireless internet, only to find out now it requires a t-mobile pay as you go subscription.. what kinda crap is that?? My room is lacking a desk at the moment, and it strains my back to work on my computer from my bed, so I decided to get out of the house to look for jobs in the minimal amount of time I have off of work. I love suburbia. The best thing I could find at 8:30 pm is a Starbucks without internet and crappy coffee.

I can’t wait for it to be the weekend already… I think this one will be chill. Not nearly as crazy as last weekend when I circled dc like 5 times and drove like 200 miles in two days (of course I am speaking as a HATER of driving). Maybe it’s not that I hate driving… I think I’m a hazard on the road. I’m like whoa out of it 9 times out of 10. I’d love driving if there weren’t other drivers or traffic. Don’t even get me started on traffic. At least 3 days a week I spend 10 of the 15 miles of my commute to work in first and second gear. For those of you who only drive automatic cars, that equates to 0-17 miles per hour.

I really believe that things should just feel right when they are right. Everything about working at PFA just seems like a load of shit. Already I have a parking bill to pay for November and honest to god, I have no clue if I will still be working downtown. It probably seems to anyone reading this that I’m just whining a lot, but I promise that my boss is either bipolar or a sociopath… or both. Just be glad that as a member of my general reading audience, I don’t unload on you what some of my more fortunate friends get to hear alllll about every day :P I just know I shouldn’t be this unhappy and uneasy at work, it hardly seems worth the aggravation considering the fact that they really don’t pay me a whole lot. Somehow I thought that my freakish organization habits could peacefully coexist with the complete chaos aka my office… it actually makes me dizzy to look around the office. And it makes me wanna yak when I think about how unprofessional we are. I must say that I will miss being allowed to dress “casual chic” for work, which includes jeans and flip flops, as long as I wear a cute top and don’t have meetings. But too many things drive me crazy there… I exhaust myself being stressed out about work all the time. I don’t even sleep soundly because I think I worry in my sleep. Lately, I drive myself to work from like 7:45 to 8:45, hoping my commute only takes til 8:30 so that I can then nap in my car for 15 minutes, then go to work by 9. I wake up from my sleep unrested, frantically jumping out of bed because I’m afraid I’ve overslept etc etc etc…. blaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Also I am totally freaking out that I’m losing my edge for writing. Passion fuels life, fuels writing, springs forth from clarity. Got no passion. No fire in my belly. Very sad.

I recently started reaching out to my network of ppl around here so that they could stay alert for job opportunities for me…and someone asked me what I’m looking for in a job. I said I wanted to be inspired, and I wanted to learn.  I think that’s all I really want out of life, love, my time spent on this planet. Good thing it’s still early.